Dear Lucien,

Its the final day before the end of the world! RUN!!! Ok, I lied. Its only the end of the year 2008. But I'm sure we're getting closer to the apocalypse, in case you were looking forward to that. So, my New Years at this very moment is very iffy. But that's ok, I think. As they say, "You'll laugh about it later." And you know I probably will. Right now, I'm just going to sleep for the New Year's...unless it gets REALLY noisy. But I feel like sleeping. Yup. And before I head off to sleep my New Year's Day away, I've decided to end this year with a wonderful song.

December 2008:
Song:"Move Along" by All-American Rejects
Why: Oh come on, its AAR! They are made of awesome. Lol. Ok. So I decided to end this year with one of the greatest songs (in my opinion). Move Along. I chose this because that's one thing I really need to do. I tend to sink into "despair" or whatever people wish to call it, but I just need to remember to move along. I'll try to forget the stuff that happened this year and hopefully things will change in the upcoming year. I'll become a stronger person. Physically? Don't think so. But you know what I mean. I'm going to keep at it. No matter how many depressing things get to me, I'm going to keep going through life even if it means dragging myself.

=) Well Lucien, I hope you enjoyed this year. I certainly did. Yes, even if there was a lot of crap that happened, I still enjoyed it. I'm going to "move along" now to the new year by-yes you guessed it-sleeping.

Yes Lucien, I am just that lame. Love you too. XD
Ciao

Dear Lucien,

For once, I'm going to be early to post my November song. And what you know it, November! Wow, almost the end of the year too. I had my anniversary this month with Robert. Yeah, I know a year. Absolutely amazing. But we really didn't do much since there isn't much we can do. But that's ok. I really try not to ask a lot, and right now I'm perfectly fine with it. :) So yes, song of November! One more month and I'll be complete with my 2008 Soundtrack. A heck of a soundtrack it will be...

November 2008:
Song:"Used to" by Chris Daughtry
Why: This song, I know, can be interpreted to yet another love song. That is probably what most people will start thinking, but if you read the lyrics carefully enough, it could be interpreted in several ways. And let me tell you, love is not one of the interpretations I have for this month. It's all about CHANGE. We "used to" be like this or do that. And by we, I mean with everyone I'm with. Everything's changing again. We're growing further apart again. The new friends I've made in the last year are changing. The people I've grown to trust as much as my own sister are changing. Everyone is changing. And I can't say if its for the good or the bad. Everyone's just changing. I don't think I can make anymore of an emphasis without having to repeat myself about thirty more times. And all I can ask about this change is if we're ever going to get it back to how it used to be.

Dear Lucien,

Yes, my song of the month. :D Enjoy.

October 2008:
Song:"(There's Gotta be) More to Life" by Stacie Orrico
Why: I think the song pretty much says it all. There's GOTTA be more to life. I don't think its depression that is making me uninterested in the things I used to do. I don't feel depressed, and I'm sure if you're depressed you know you are but just won't admit it. Honestly, I don't feel depressed. I just...am uninterested nowadays. I get bored so easily nowadays. I have to find something new. A "temporary high." Not drugs in case anyone wanted to throw that idea out. Geez. Anyway, yes, there has to more to life. And I hope that I find something than just temporary satisfaction.

Dear Lucien,

Omg, yes, I'm writing to you! And its a public entry no less! You should be so proud of me. Oh fine. Guess its on to "important" matters then.

( MISSING: Inspiration. Call HELPME if found. Last seen in the depths of my sanity. )

Dear Lucien,

Ahaha, its been a while hasn't it? I've missed you. What?! You didn't? How cruel of you to say so bluntly! *sob* ANYWAY, here's my monthly entry.

September 2008:
Song:"Through the Rain" by Mariah Carey
Why: If you thought I was going to choose a song with the word September in it, you've been sadly mistaken. I am not THAT cliched. Well why did I choose this song, Lucien? Well, yes, it sounds depressing, but I'm not depressed. At least I don't think I am. Well, the group still seems to be going through its usual problems and I don't know if its being resolved or not. I mean there have been some problems that have been resolved, but as soon as one is resolved three more come to bloom. I think the group is falling apart, quite frankly. We're going our separate ways, but then that's how college is. We grow apart at some point, but what matters is that we find a way to at least keep in contact as the years go by. And when we do get that chance, we'll act like we've never been apart in the first place. I hope to remember that. I'm not good at remembering that sort of thing, as pessimistic as I am. I'm still trying to get through my pessimism. So far its only frustrating people. But, I am trying even if it doesn't seem like it.

Heyo Lucien,

I haven't updated you in such a while. I wish to apologize to you if you desire. I don't bring my laptop to school anymore so I can't really update you there like I usually do. And I come home kinda late in the day where I'm either too tired or I forget. But now I have the time. But it will be short since I will be going out soon.

August 2008:
Song:"A Quiet Mind" by Blue October
Why: No, I am not schizophrenic or bi-polar if that's the first thing you think of when you read the lyrics. My interpretation of this song is about a person who wishes to be alone and just listen to the voices in his or her head because to that person, those voices are the only source of truth. And the voices in his or her head might just be repeated sayings of parents and possibly friends. Its been said so many times that its now registered as the truth. This person even tries to think about all the good times, but sometimes its not enough. That one person is what he or she needs to erase the voices and make him or her feel at ease again.
Well how this song fits in is that...this is what I've felt. So many things that's just driving me insane to the point that I'm almost reverting back to the very depressed, suicidal girl I was before. The voices in my head are the ones I can really trust. Everyone else, I feel like I have to second guess everything. I have to be like Sigmund Freud and analyze the situation to find their inner motive. I don't know what to do anymore. And I'm hoping that the one person--actually it could be more than one--will help erase those voices. Because I don't want to have them. I don't want to not believe or trust the ones I really feel attached with. Or at least FELT attached with. Please...erase the voices. And don't betray me too.

Dear Lucien,

I'm just in time to give you my song of the month. It's the end of July and honestly, I have not thought of a song for the month until now.

July 2008:
Song:"These Open Arms" by Clay Aiken
Why: You're probably thinking, "Oh god, it's another sad love song." Well, it's not! HA! It's a sad song, yes, but it doesn't pertain to my love life. It deals with all of life. Lately, so many things have been happening not only with me, but my friends as well. We have been going through so many difficulties with our families, our friends, or even within ourselves. And this song, I wish it, to remind me and my friends that we're all here for each other no matter what happens. I'd like to believe that even if we are in conflict with each other, for those who are, we'd still be there. To my friends: "These open arms will wait for you." And I hope that my friends, even if I may not admit it when the time comes, I'll need them too. "Can you see I need a friend." I hope our friendships will continue to grow. I hope that the conflicts we do have will make us, and never break us.

Dear Lucien,

Yes, I'm talking to you. Don't you remember? I gave you your new name: Lucien Javier. Technically, you're still the one and only LJ in which I confide several things about everything and nothing at the same time.

Anyway, this is besides the point. Once again I have forgotten to provide my song of the month. It is July, and I'm missing the song of June. Oh woe is me. I guess I've just been too preoccupied with friends, school, and roleplaying. Friends and school are awesome. Roleplaying is starting to die on me, which saddens me. I think I should go back to fanfiction. *sigh*

Well, here is the song of the month, dear Lucien.

June 2008:
Song:"Mirror" by BarlowGirl
Why: Well recently I've gone through a sudden...I guess revelation which now makes me question who I really am. The girl that I supposedly thought I was--the girl I saw in the mirror--isn't entirely me. There are beliefs that I hold true to myself that so many people are trying to prove me wrong. And continually they tell me that that its wrong because I'm "better" than that, or something along those lines.

Then, I'm questioned: Is that really what you think, or is that what you've been told all your life that you don't even know what to think anymore?

I'm lost again. And the mirror can no longer define who I am anymore because what I saw in the mirror--I don't know if thats really who I am now.

-- Yeah. Talk about drama. Meh.

Anyways, gonna go. Enjoy this entry whoever you are.

Dear LJ,

I thought I had done this entry. OMG! I can't believe I had forgotten to do it!! WAAAH!!! Well, now that I remember, here is the entry.

May 2008:
Song:"Vacation" by Vitamin C
Why: This should be obvious. I'm looking forward to summer '08! Sure, I'll be taking summer classes, but hey the good part of it is that I'll be a sophomore by fall '08! And summer, hopefully, will be a wonderful vacation considering the new friends I've made since the beginning of college. In addition, a new relationship (aka boyfriend).

TA-DAAAA!!!

Now, I be off again. >__>

Till next time.

Dear Lj,

Lately, I've been thinking of posting pictures up on here, but then I would like pictures that are recent, that I've taken for that day. Hmm, maybe I'll get to post pictures here someday. Just hope that I remember then.

( Praise the LJ-cut )

Well, I shall leave now because I need to eat. Until next time LJ, adieu!